


If love and hate are the same words

by squishykoo



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, Introspection, Uchiha Sasuke-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:20:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22172443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squishykoo/pseuds/squishykoo
Summary: Sasuke and his relationship with Konoha.
Relationships: Uchiha Sauke & Konoha
Kudos: 18





	If love and hate are the same words

**Author's Note:**

> Hello guys! this is my second work and completely inspired by mono by RM. RM is such a beautiful musician and i would gladly die listening to mono. i think that the whole m̶i̶x̶t̶a̶p̶e̶ playlist and its mood suits sasuke very well. so. anyway, check out mono by RM!! i hope you like my work! constructive criticism is always welcome! also, i've taken some direct lyrics from the song, they're italicized.

If love and hate are the same words

The first clear memory Sasuke has of Konoha is painted with soft hues and sunshine. He is out on a picnic with Mother and Itachi, surrounded by nature and his mother’s warmth. He remembers toddling around their picnic blanket. He remembers the tall trees and his Mother’s laughter when he fell down while chasing a squirrel. He remembers the park they were in and the noise of the village bustling just outside their little cocoon. He remembers the feeling of happiness and contentment that rose in him. He remembers loving Konoha at that moment. 

Growing up, Sasuke remembers running through every nook and cranny of Konoha. He remembers mapping the whole Uchiha compound with his friends. He remembers going on adventures in the surrounding forests with Hikari and Kayama. He remembers how Tomoe used to hang onto his every word, eyes filled with hero worship. He remembers getting into his first fight because the older kids were bullying Tomoe and however much he pretended to not care about him, he actually cared too much. He remembers daily going out to the market with his mother. He remembers loving the hubbub of the village and how contradicting it felt because, despite the commotion, there was an underlined harmony to the village. He remembers how he used to help Mother in the kitchen, how he used to like sitting with Father in his study while doing homework, How he used to love playing with Itachi, or more like how he used to love doing literally anything with his brother- be it playing, homework or practicing. He remembers Shisui and his penchant for always teasing Sasuke. Remembers how Elder Youta always gave sweets to the children. Remembers how his Father sang him to sleep once when he was very little and in pain due to having knocked out his teeth while playing. He remembers Itachi’s small and pudgy fingers flicking him on the forehead. He remembers feeling immensely proud of his brother’s achievements. He remembers feeling superior to everybody in the academy. He remembers the arrogance and invincibility that only a child could feel.

He remembers the blonde boy, always alone but never giving up. He remembers the conflicting feeling of disdain and pity towards him. He remembers sitting on the porch of his aunt Akane, and her husband Hayato crying as his wife gave birth to his beautiful daughter. He remembers seeing Emi for the first time, remembers hoe small, red and ugly she was with wrinkles and too sensitive skin, remembers the feeling of unconditional love and protectiveness he felt, remembers how he would have given her the world if she asked for it. He remembers feeling the patriotism for his village. He remembers wishing to be as great as his clanmates and doing his clan and village proud.

He remembers the village’s harmony; it is oh so familiar to him. He remembers his youth, spent soaking in the love of his family, his clan, his village. The days of his youth seem so far away. Now there are new buildings and new streets, new shops and no family, no clan, no one to call him otouto, no Emi to protect.

He remembers the day Itachi murdered their clan in fragments and fractures. He remembers coming home and wondering why it was so quiet in the compound. He remembers feeling a shiver run down his spine. He remembers running to his home only to find Itachi murdering their parents. After that a lot of it is a blur, he remembers feeling confused and hurt and lost and the pain, oh the pain. He remembers Itachi using Tsukuyomi on him, torturing him with the murder of his clan and family. Remembers waking up in the hospital, remembers being in pain and able to remember everything yet being in denial. Remembers going back to the compound, finding it devoid of any life, devoid of his family, his clan. He remembers the ensuing panic attacks and breakdowns. Remembers the soul-shattering loneliness. Remembers praying to Amaterasu- or really any deity deigning to listen to him- to let all of it be a nightmare. He remembers the dawning realization and the hatred he felt for his brother. He remembers wondering in the aftermath about how his clan died, if they felt any pain, or was their end a swift one. Had Itachi personally killed everyone and if so that how was that possible? How had he become such a monster to kill his own family? When had such a change occurred? Could Sasuke have done something to change him? Reverse him into the brother that loved him unconditionally? He remembers wondering all this and more when he laid up all night, unable to sleep, the quite of the compound haunting him.

He remembers going back to the academy. He remembers feeling empty. He remembers feeling nothing at all whenever Naruto challenged him, feeling nothing at all when his classmates looked at him with pity. Remembers feeling nothing at all when the teachers tried to tiptoe around him. Remembers falling into the routine of feeling nothing at all except for the ever-present pain and hatred. He remembers the whispers surrounding him whenever he was out of the compound. He remembers walking past the Leaf Military Police Force building and seeing emptiness instead of the usual commotion. He remembers wanting nothing more than to be with his family.

He thinks of his life in Before and After. He remembers the colorful days of his childhood turning into mono. He remembers how the village that he was supposed to love and cherish turned into something that gave him nothing but pain. He remembers hating Konoha.

He remembers wondering before he left about what kind of soul Konoha has. What was holding him back to it? There was nothing left to even reminisce about. He was so sick of it. That same old pain and grief and loneliness and hatred which left an ashy note on his tongue. He remembers despite it all, the feeling of loss as he left Konoha behind.

He remembers coming back to it. Remembers the disjointed feeling of coming home and yet not having one at all. He remembers the scent of Konoha sharp in his nose, the scent of burnt leaves and fire warm chakra. _Remembers coming back to the people who always have to wander. Remembers coming back to the cold parks pretending to be warm, and the swings that can’t look at the skies on their own, and the kids all grown up and himself, who was a little late._

Sasuke has to admit that at this point in time he loves even nastiness of Konoha. After all this time, he has already become a part of Konoha. No matter how hard he tries to separate himself from it, time and again he comes back. He loves the fishy smell of the fish market near the Naka River, loves even the lonesomeness of what’s left of the compound. Loves to go his ancestral shrine. Loves to eat at the Dango shop with Sakura. Loves to spend some quiet time in Kakashi’s little hell-hole apartment. Loves to go to the renovated Ichiraku’s with Naruto. But, he also hates being on probation, it grates on his skin to be chained to Konoha thus. He hates still waking up from nightmares of his family, of Itachi, of never being enough. He hates most of the people, hates what they’ve done to his clan, hates himself more because he has nothing in him left to avenge his clan. He is tired. With the cold air of the dawn, Sasuke opens his eyes and comes to terms that his relationship with Konoha will always be dichotomous. That this is his Home now, had been and will be forever; that Konoha is tied to his soul.

If love and hate are the same words, Sasuke loves Konoha.

If love and hate are the same words, Sasuke hates Konoha.


End file.
